Grab a hot beverage and snuggle in to read this.. it’s going to be worth it. I promise.

I wrote a post on 11/24 titled “Veiled“. The emotions of writing the blog post haunted me for days which is why I closed down my business for the month of December. I’ve never just taken time to be me or to listen to my inner self. I’ve always made myself so damn busy I wouldn’t have to think about what has happened to me or around me a result of learned behavior from the need to survive abuse as a child. One learns to survive by separating yourself from the abuse (both emotional and physical) to allow your mind to go anywhere else rather than being physically present to what’s happening to you in the moment. It is simply too painful.

This month, I have listened to my inner voices – those of my younger self and all I have been through and have done. I realized have committed random acts of violence against myself so often I wasn’t even recognizing it as such. I call myself “stupid” or “dumbass” when I don’t do something right. I had never realized just how poorly I spoke to myself until this month. I have peeled back so many layers of my emotional onion only to realize the small wounds I saw on the outside were truly much bigger and deeper than I could have ever imagined. My whole life I’ve been very vocal about “not needing someone else’s approval because well, fuck that.” As I sit here typing this I both cringe and chuckle at that statement. Generally, the one thing someone is most vocal about is the one thing they are afraid of, you know the saying “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.”

I am releasing my need for approval from everyone. I have always needed people to like me so I could find self-worth. If I could do or say the right thing, I would receive praise which would allow me feel good about myself. I needed everyone to love me or like what I did so I could love myself. If I felt like someone didn’t love me, then I felt worthless. My fear of this has shown up *HARD* in my life during November and December. The post I wrote in November was proof of that. Unwanted. Unloved. Because I felt that way, I called it to myself. Events played out around me in the last 8 weeks where I called this pain to myself. We don’t realize it at the time, but by constantly thinking any statement of “I am not…” it’s so powerful it calls that darkness to you. It calls it to you so you can examine it and work with it, not wallow in it which is what I was doing.

Who does that?

I’ll tell you who… most of us. We sit in our pain because it’s like the woobie we can’t live without. (Reference to an old movie, Mr. Mom, see the clip here) We developed this blanket of pain we’ve kept with us because we learned to accept it as fact that it just belonged. Perhaps you got your woobie when you were young, perhaps you didn’t acquire it until you were older. Either way, it’s just become a part of us externally and perhaps you feel it physically by either weight gain (this one is me), back pain, neck and shoulder pain or anxiety. I believe by allowing our emotional pain to stay within our auric field it causes energy blockage which then relates to physical pain. Your emotional state is out of balance, therefore your body is not at ease. DIS-EASE.

2020 has given us all reasons to feed into the idea of needing our woobie. We’ve allowed ourselves to sink into our pain and allow the darkness to overtake us. I’ve watched some fairly ugly and horrendous behavior this year. It enhanced our darkness so it could come up, be acknowledged and integrated. End this decade differently than any other decade before. Make a choice right here, right now to be different in 2021.

INTEGRATE your darkness, rather than allowing it to stay outside and separate from yourself like a woobie. No longer allow your fear to keep your authentic-self fractured and in pieces. You deserve to be whole and unveiled to the world like the true piece of art you are! Hug yourself and love yourself completely. Allow the pieces of yourself to come back one by one integrating them slowly. Forgive yourself.

You are so much more than you believe. You are the whisper in the wind, the lava at the core of the earth, as necessary as the water and as fertile as the soil. When you believe it, it will happen.

I know you can do it because I am doing it. I have released the most embarrassing therefore vulnerable piece of myself in this blog post. Clicking the publish button means I am trusting the Universe will allow this blog post to be seen by all those who need to know they are not alone.

I am Maria Michelle Leggett – I am unveiled to the world. Sharing my deepest darkest secret as part of my integrative authenticity.

Damn that feels good.

What is YOUR declaration for 2021? Post it in the comments below! I would love to hear from you

In progress-Dark Night of the Soul

How many times can one person peel back the metaphorical layers of an onion until you get to the sweet spot?

The answer to that is unknown because each soul has created their own layers by their unique experiences. I have spent most of my life pretending to be someone I am not, so I felt loved and accepted. To continue life in this way is holding me back and stopping me from experiencing the true beauty life has to offer.

I experience emotions deeply, more deeply than I would like for anyone to know. I have developed this armor around me with the ideology of being “strong” because this is what I learned by watching the adults around me as I grew up. Every time I have weathered through a storm someone has always said to me “You’re so strong.” I allowed this to become a badge of honor not realizing the full implication those two little words have had on me. The people who said it meant the words as encouragement and sometimes even in awe of the experiences I have had, yet I still smile. Behind this smile lies a tremendous amount of pain. Pain which I have laughed through, smiled through, judged people through and tried to find my way through the world with it. I have held onto it in the form of weight around my body. I use it as a shield and sword to protect me, so no one sees my true vulnerability. I believed that if I showed vulnerability, I was weak and no one wanted a weak daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother.

Why am I writing about this? I am writing about this because there are many women in the world who feel as I do than anyone even realizes. We have always been “too much” of something. For me, I have always been “too loud”, “too smart for your own good”, “too fat”, “too loud” take your fucking pick, someone has said it. I learned to allow their statements to become my truth. Am I too loud? Perhaps, but when I feel happy, I exude happiness. When I feel sad, it drips off me. When I feel anger, it shoots out of me and slimes people. I am working on controlling the last two as it can affect other people and for that I am deeply apologetic.

I am finally at a point where I realize I have been shielding myself from truly feeling the deep pain I have experienced as a way of self-preservation. I am dropping the shield and sword for small periods of time. I am finding myself crying off and on regularly throughout the day. I need to feel this. Each tear I shed is a memory I no longer need to use to protect myself. I see this as the end of Harry Potter 7 when Voldemort is fighting to stay alive. Each of his horcruxes must be destroyed and this is what I am doing. Each painful memory is a piece of my soul I want to integrate back into myself, so I am whole. In the end… when I have released them all my shield and sword will disintegrate as Voldemort did in the end.

All that will be left is the true me. The woman who deserves to live on this planet in love and happiness helping other women find themselves and integrate their own shadows so they can show up just as beautiful as I will when this is over.

Blessed Be the path of every being who chooses to walk this life on Earth. It is not easy, but there are lessons to learn and so many people to love.

In love and peace…

It’s Time to Eat the Pomegranate Seed

The Northern Hemisphere has entered into “The Shadow Season” (queue the dark mystery music). What is the Shadow Season you ask?

In the Greek Pantheon, Hades was the King of the Underworld and he wanted Persephone as his wife and Queen. Persephone was the only daughter, and child, of Zeus and Demeter. Hades decided he wanted to be with Persephone and cared not if she wanted to be with him, he made his decision. Persephone would be his. Hades found a way to lure her away from her attendants so she was alone. He opened up the earth from underneath her and kidnapped her to take her back to the Underworld to marry him and be his Queen.

Demeter was distraught with her daughter missing. Since Demeter reigned over vegetation, she wasn’t paying any attention to the crops and failed to keep them alive. Everything died during her sorrow. She swore she’d let it all die if her daughter wasn’t returned. What was a man to do? People needed to eat. Zeus and Hades struck a deal where Persephone could return above to live with her parents for part of the year so the crops would grow and the balance was to be spent with her King where the crops would wither and die. When Persephone agreed Hades, wanting to ensure her return, found a way to get her to eat the seed of the pomegranate. The pomegranate is a symbol of love and marriage and by eating the seed, she was tied to Hades for the agreed upon amount of time as his wife. No dissolution.

This is one story of how the seasons were created. Persephone has part of the year free where she’s allowed to roam above ground, still tied to Hades as his wife. For the rest of the year, she must return to the Underworld in a dark place where she must do something she didn’t want to do, but for the betterment of her family, she agreed to do. She ate the seed, tying herself to the darkness. She willingly returns each season.

The Underworld is a place where you are forced to meet the darkest parts of yourself. These darker parts, we don’t like to address, are called your shadow, hence the term Shadow Season. It is cooler or colder and much darker this time of year, and as such, many people struggle during these seasons and depression ensues. Their energy becomes heavier and denser.

It’s time for me to do the deepest dive into my own psyche I have ever done. For the last couple of years I have been working on the emotional scars of my past which I allowed to rule my life and my behavior. I have worked through so many of them, but it’s time to get down to the very root of the issue and release it. How can I tell people “I’ve done my Dark Night of the Soul” if I’m not even sure I’ve done it. Well, I can assure you, I am in it right now, knees deep (balls if I had penis) and it’s not pleasant. I’m going down into the depths of the Underworld to work this shit out because I’m over it.

This means relationships will change. My outlook on life will adjust and so will my vibration along with it. Some people may not vibe with me during this change and if you don’t, please know I love you as a human and wish you all of the best. I am not going get angry if you decide not to be friends with me. I may be sad, but will understand the Universe has different plans for us and I’m ready. I’m so fucking ready for the change.

Come Spring, like Persephone, I will be ready to explode back to life with freedom from having worked through the shadows. I will be much more integrated and ready to blow my business wide open with a year long program to help you take charge of your own well-being by connecting to Spirit, learning to accept love, integrating your past trauma and past lives. Huge. It’s going to be Huge.

Are you ready to eat the seed of the pomegranate too? I’d love to hear from you!

8/23/2020 – Energy of the week

I’m happy to announce this week’s video went up on Sunday, August 23rd. I am still getting used to all of the different technology platforms I have to learn for social media.

We are in for an interesting week of letting go of things which aren’t serving our highest good. The challenge is going to be how we handle it… do we stomp our feet or go gracefully with the changes. The choice is yours!