Veiled

As I sat down to write this post I used the thesaurus to look up the word invisible.  I started writing this post with some details about my life but I’m not really convinced the story matters. We’ve all got our own shit to deal with and by writing it out just causes comparison or

As I sat down to write this post I used the thesaurus to look up the word invisible. 

I started writing this post with some details about my life but I’m not really convinced the story matters. We’ve all got our own shit to deal with and by writing it out just causes comparison or maybe that’s just me. Whenever I read someone else’s story my mind immediately goes to either “Damn I didn’t have that bad” or “Damn I had it worse.” Why? Why must we compare ourselves? I’m so fucking over the comparison game. I’ve been hurt, you’ve probably been hurt and somewhere along the way we’ve also hurt other people. No one is perfect and we’ve all made mistakes.

I am currently struggling with letting go of the pain of my childhood. I’ve figured out the root of the problem and I know it has to go, but….I’ve held onto it as a security blanket for so long and I’m not sure how to exist in the world without it. Who am I if I am not the secretly tortured human being with a difficult past? Who am I if I don’t have a reason to blame my piss poor behavior on someone else?

I have come to realization I am scared to be whole. I am downright terrified of becoming everything I’ve ever wanted to be because it would mean I’d be completely responsible for the outcome of my life. Imagine that.

Accountability.

I have no issue with taking accountability at work when I screw up. Why is this so damn hard? My story isn’t me. It’s just a story about how I see my life. If I continue to live in the past, there is no room for an improved me in the future. Hell, I won’t have a future. I’m allowing this pain to swallow me whole and keep me veiled from happiness. Lately, I wake up every day hoping life will be better and by the time I come home, I find a way to remind myself I am unwanted by my parents, my children, my friends. Not all of them actually tell me this, it’s just how my brain chooses to believe it. I allow old stories to creep in and become unsurmountable mountains when I know damn well they aren’t. It’s just my process for now and I’m sharing it in case this is happening to anyone else. I know my husband loves me but he has no idea how to deal with me when this washes over me. I have both empathy and anger at him for this. Clearly I let the anger go because how is he supposed to know what to do? I can assure you, I did not come with a manual.

I am more than a woman with a sad story.

But… Who Am I?

Blessed Be,
Shelley

In progress-Dark Night of the Soul

How many times can one person peel back the metaphorical layers of an onion until you get to the sweet spot?

The answer to that is unknown because each soul has created their own layers by their unique experiences. I have spent most of my life pretending to be someone I am not, so I felt loved and accepted. To continue life in this way is holding me back and stopping me from experiencing the true beauty life has to offer.

I experience emotions deeply, more deeply than I would like for anyone to know. I have developed this armor around me with the ideology of being “strong” because this is what I learned by watching the adults around me as I grew up. Every time I have weathered through a storm someone has always said to me “You’re so strong.” I allowed this to become a badge of honor not realizing the full implication those two little words have had on me. The people who said it meant the words as encouragement and sometimes even in awe of the experiences I have had, yet I still smile. Behind this smile lies a tremendous amount of pain. Pain which I have laughed through, smiled through, judged people through and tried to find my way through the world with it. I have held onto it in the form of weight around my body. I use it as a shield and sword to protect me, so no one sees my true vulnerability. I believed that if I showed vulnerability, I was weak and no one wanted a weak daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother.

Why am I writing about this? I am writing about this because there are many women in the world who feel as I do than anyone even realizes. We have always been “too much” of something. For me, I have always been “too loud”, “too smart for your own good”, “too fat”, “too loud” take your fucking pick, someone has said it. I learned to allow their statements to become my truth. Am I too loud? Perhaps, but when I feel happy, I exude happiness. When I feel sad, it drips off me. When I feel anger, it shoots out of me and slimes people. I am working on controlling the last two as it can affect other people and for that I am deeply apologetic.

I am finally at a point where I realize I have been shielding myself from truly feeling the deep pain I have experienced as a way of self-preservation. I am dropping the shield and sword for small periods of time. I am finding myself crying off and on regularly throughout the day. I need to feel this. Each tear I shed is a memory I no longer need to use to protect myself. I see this as the end of Harry Potter 7 when Voldemort is fighting to stay alive. Each of his horcruxes must be destroyed and this is what I am doing. Each painful memory is a piece of my soul I want to integrate back into myself, so I am whole. In the end… when I have released them all my shield and sword will disintegrate as Voldemort did in the end.

All that will be left is the true me. The woman who deserves to live on this planet in love and happiness helping other women find themselves and integrate their own shadows so they can show up just as beautiful as I will when this is over.

Blessed Be the path of every being who chooses to walk this life on Earth. It is not easy, but there are lessons to learn and so many people to love.

In love and peace…
Shelley

Mercury Goes Direct

Mercury Retrograde is finally on its way out and not a moment too soon. It’s been rough for so many people this time around. Computers have crashed, videos have been lost, internet connections have gone down and all of that is just for me! Think about all of the other small business owners who have struggled with this energy.

We are currently in a Full Moon as well as the shadow period of Retrograde. Take time to do some self-care such as salt baths, aura cleansings, rest, meditation… anything that allows you to rest and release the crud which as come through. We want all of it out of our energy and aura so when the new moon comes we are ready for new things to come to us.

What is Mercury Retrograde exactly you ask? I don’t know all of the scientific “stuff” behind it. Here’s what I know… Mercury appears to be moving backwards during retrograde. What happens when things move backwards? You don’t make any progress, right? Right. You need for things to moving forward in order to do well. Mercury is most known for controlling energies of communication and travel. Did your plane get delayed sitting and waiting to be de-iced and you had to run your overweight body through a large airport to catch your connection? No? Ok maybe that was just me… but perhaps your car didn’t start or you got a flat tire but didn’t find anything wrong with the tire. Did you have a huge disagreement with your spouse over something you thought was silly but the big “D” word was thrown around? (I mean divorce not dick LOL)

That. That’s all the lovely Mercury energy you’re experiencing. There’s a period of one to two weeks prior to retrograde, about 3 weeks of retrograde and then another one to two weeks of shadow period when retrograde comes. If Mercury had a menstrual cycle, this would be it! However, we need to keep in mind it only has power over us if we allow it. Can women be cranky during menses? Absolutely, but not all of them. Some are just fine because they refuse to allow their body to determine their mood. And this is where we need to go with it. Be determined to accept responsibility for your own actions. I mean really… Mercury doesn’t need to get all of the blame because you said some things you regret (like the D word).

According to the Farmer’s Almanac the other periods this year are listed below and remember pre- and post energy!

  • June 18 to July 12
  • October 14 to November 3

We now have about a week or two of post-shadow energy depending on what you believe. Me? I’m just ready to move forward except wait… what was that? It’s a full moon. This is releasing energy, no major manifestation just yet. Take this time to release the sh*t that just happened and breathe. Breathe deep and long. Then sigh. As you sigh, release it all..

Namaste!

Photograph by Troy W. Smith – my friend whom I adore.

Simple Salt Scrub

Cleaning up your energy doesn’t have to be as difficult as some would have you believe. It’s not this amazingly complicated process. Nor do you have to believe in metaphysics in order for this to work.

What do you need? Three very simple things!

1. Intention – if you believe it’s going to work, it will. It’s just that simple. Set the intention when you’re making this scrub it’s going to cleanse you of the yucky energy you encountered and you’ll be clean when you’re done.

2. Coconut oil – I use  this brand (I do not get paid for this. I just like sharing.)  Click Here: Island Fresh Coconut Oil Coconut oil is good for your skin as it is a natural antibacterial for your skin as well as anti-inflammatory. It’s also a great carrier oil for essential oils if you should decide to add essential oils. The coconut oil also stops your skin from being dried out while using the salt.

3. Salt – There is a reason Witches use salt on the windows of their homes. It’s the same reason it’s “lucky” to toss salt over your shoulder. Salt represents life and all that’s beautiful in it and it’s such a high vibration it bans heavy energy from coming near you. When salt was first mined it was so expensive to mine only the rich could afford it. Egyptians burned salt in order to clear the energy of bad spirits. Salt also represents the element of earth (hence the saying “salt of the earth”). Pachamama, Gaea or Mother Earth is known to transmute bad energy, purifying it and turning it into food for plants and animals. I am not picky about the salt type. I choose to use pickling salt, but you may use whatever you choose. Click Here: Morton Pickling and Canning Salt

You may add essential oils or crushed herbs as a preference, it is not necessary. If using essential oils, I don’t suggest using more than 6 drops per ounce for a 1% dilution.

You can make any size batch you’d like. Keep a 2:1 ratio, coconut oil to salt. A little education with some simple stuff!

It’s time for tea!

It’s that time of year where it’s starting to get cold in certain parts of the world, or perhaps you’re coming out of the cold and just love tea anyway. Using natural herbs from your local health food store gives you the option to be creative and make whatever kind of tea you like without having to purchase pre-made tea. My favorite tea during cold/flu season is an Elderberry tea made from the same herbs I use to make Elderberry syrup. (Just as lots more water and you have tea instead of syrup!)

Do you have a French press sitting around but you’re not interested in coffee anymore? (Shocking right?) Or do you just love making big batches of tea?

USE THAT FRENCH PRESS! Or buy one from your local thrifstore.

I bought this one for around $20 and it’s been worth it. The only drawback is that it doesn’t stay hot long enough sometimes but that’s ok! I can just reheat it.

Journal it!

My witchcraft teacher has us journal every day as part of our journey as a witch. I am late to the game at the age of 49, however I am re-remembering so much each time I do more. I always say to myself “Oh I’ll do it tonight.” And then it never happens. I’m stuck between the belief of the physical written record and how important that is for generations to come and not having the time to actually physically write with a pen and paper. I mean I am getting older and my hand starts to hurt from writing because let’s face it… my hands have some arthritis and I’m at a computer most of the day already anyway, why not just do a digital version instead? Why indeed. I deserve to take a few moments out of each day to see where I was, what I did and how I got to where I am. I deserve to see my hard work.

What does re-remember mean? It means I am getting flashbacks from previous lives when I do certain things. When I am making products to sell on this website, I don’t do it alone. I have spirit guides who come in and sometimes it’s just a clear channeling process. The product is made and if the spirit guide didn’t write down what was done, I have no clue how it got made. I’ve learned though, sometimes that product doesn’t need to be made again. It was a one-time deal. I’m learning to go with the flow.

The more I give in to the process of what I am supposed to be doing in life I realize I am supposed to be writing more. I often think “Who in the world wants to hear what I have to say?” Then I remember I have grandchildren. If nothing else, I choose to believe that one day they would like to know what was going on with Mimi. How did Mimi get to where she was? Their parents are only going to tell my story from their point of view. I want them to know it from my point of view as well. I want them to know how much I love them long after I’m gone from the physical world.

I also want to learn more about myself and that’s what my teacher calls it: Know Thyself. So I am going to continue writing on my personal blog (www.marialeggett.com) and on this one for my business. The two blogs will contain completely different information because they are for two different purposes.

I hope you will join me and learn something as you go <3

Blessed Be,

Shelley